This Is My Life
by Zina Nevirone
Summary: How would you feel if you saw the one you love kissing your soon to be worst enemy, just as you were going to confesss your love to him? Would you throw your whole life away because of it? Would you avoid your other best friends because of it? Finished!
1. Chapter 1

This Is My Life

Chap 1

**A/n: I thought of this idea as I stared at my tea-stained notebook, yet it isn't about tea!!!!!!!**

xx

I bet you all thought we'd end up with our dream jobs, me, on the American basketball team, Logan, a producer, Zoey, a fashion designer, Chase, a play writer, Lola, an actress, Nicole, a make up artist, Quinn, a scientist and Michael, in a band. In truth it didn't work out like that for me. Logan is a producer, Lola is an actress, Chase is a play writer, Nicole is a makeup artist, Zoey is a fashion designer, Quinn is a scientist, who just discovered a cure for something or other, and Michael is in a band, but me, I work in a salon. The girl who was going places, went nowhere.

I live in a rundown, mouldy apartment with my boyfriend, who sits at home on his ass all day drinking beer, watching TV, whilst I slave away, surrounded by beautiful women, who make me feel like shit, and makeup, which is all pink and lilac.

My daughter Maddy is five months old, she is the love of my life, the only reason I am still with Zeke. I've threatened to leave a million times and he's begged me in his slurred voice to stay. He pretends to love me, he pretends to love Maddy, but all he really wants is someone to take his very sharp anger out on.

I've had black eyes, broken arms and bruises from him and if I try to leave it gets worse. He grabs Maddy's arms, so she's bruised. He slaps me, so I'm red. I have to leave.

I haven't talked to Logan or the rest since graduation, five months ago. They didn't even know I was pregnant. Zeke knew, so he grew clingy and pulled me away from the group. When I had Maddy, my parents disowned me and I steered clear of my friends. Now they're all famous and I'm a nobody. They don't know about Maddy, I hope the never will. If they met me now, they'd think me a charity case, I don't like fuss. Fussing over me is not a thing you want to do as I'll punch your lights out.

Xx

Today, I get up and head down to Maddy's room. She lies peacefully. I stroke her short caramel curl. Her cute, blue eyes flutter open and a smile flashes across her tiny face. I kiss her head and pick her up. Her pink dress lies ready on the changing table, I change her, feed her and put her in her seat.

Xx

I get dressed, grab Maddy and head out the door without saying goodbye to Zeke, as usual.

Xx

I walk down my dodgy alley. Maddy gurgles as I swerve round puddles of not just dirty water, but booze and sick. Number five is the place I stop at. Lindsay, my South American best friend, answers.

"Dana." she cries when she sees my face.

Then she realised I had Maddy.

"He hurt her?" Lindsay bends down slowly and rolls up my little girls sleeves.

Tears stream down my cheeks. I never cried at PCA, but now I cry all the time.

"It's alright, Dana!" Lindsay soothes.

"It's not alright! I'm a mess! I tried to leave and he hurt Maddy! I can't live with him!" I exclaim, the tears flood my face.

"Have you eaten?" she asks quietly.

I shake my head slowly. Lindsay gestures for me to come in. I follow her into her animal print lounge and sit on her zebra stripe couch. I carefully place Maddy beside me. She kicks her little feet as if she hasn't a care in the world. Lindsay's husband, Taran walks through from their kitchen. He has a picture of a burnt down building on his apron accompanied by the expression, 'You think this is bad? You haven't tasted my cooking, yet!'. It's one of those corny aprons that you can always count on to cheer you up. He has blonde hair, blue eyes and pale skin, whereas Lindsay has black hair, brown hair and black skin. They have two kids, twins, Lani and Jani, they are eleven months old, and Lindsay's pregnant again. Some people get everything, Lindsay has a wonderful apartment, a wonderful flat, and two kids.

Xx

Later at Kiwi, the salon, I'm waiting for my next customer. There's no-one booked, but sometimes there are drop-ins. Maddy is sitting on my desk, in her seat, fast asleep. I'm leaning on the space next to her. Then the bell chimes, meaning there's someone arrived.

"How can we help you here at Kiwi?" Lindsay chirps.

"Highlights, please!" the girl replies.

"I place Maddy on the floor behind my desk and plaster that fake 'professional' smile on my face.

"Just this way!" Lindsay smiles.

My door opens, Lindsay comes in first, the girl follows. Her blue eyes and blonde hair look vaguely familiar.

"Dana Cruz?" the girl exclaims.

"Yes." I bite my lip.

How does this girl know me?

"I'm Zoey!" she screeches.

She can't see me here. She can't know about me. The makeup hides the marks, but no make up can hide my clothes or my daughter.

"You know her, Dana?" Lindsay asks.

"Yeah! This is Zoey Brooks!" I bite my lip harder.

"The Zoey Brooks! As in fashion, Zoey Brooks?" Lindsay squeals.

"Yeah!" I breathe.

"Why'd ya lose touch, Dana?" Zoey whispers, "We all miss you, especially Logan!"

"Logan Reese, the Logan Reese misses Dana, my Dana!" Lindsay cries.

"Lindsay, privacy please!" I plead.

"Why'd ya lose touch?" Zoey repeats as Lindsay leaves.

I bite my lip and reach behind my desk. I unbuckle Maddy and lift her out. Zoey's jaw basically falls to the floor. I can't help but smirk.

"When?" she gasps, lost for words.

"Two hours after graduation." I answer.

"You were pregnant the whole time?" That would explain why you were putting on weight,even though you weren't eating." Zoey mutters.

I cradle Maddy in my arms and rock her back and forth.

"What's her name?" Zoey peers at the tiny infant.

"Maddy." I whisper as I gaze down at my baby.

"She looks like you."

"Except her eyes."

"Zeke's."

I nod sorrowfully. Tears well in my eyes.

"Hey, what's the matter? You never cry!" Zoey inquires.

"I don't love him! It was a fling! I wasn't wanted, so I found Zeke!" I cry.

"Logan loves you!"

"No, he doesn't! He loves Lola!"

"He does!"

"Liar!"

"Have you seen 'Tough Gal'?"

"Can't afford the cinema, all of our extra money goes on bloody horses and fucking beer."

"Lola plays you, much to her dismay. She pushes a guy around and yet she loves him and he loves her. The way you and Logan used to."

"That was written by Chase!"

"No, Logan wrote that one."

"Let's get your highlights done."

I quickly put Maddy in her seat on the floor and signal for Zoey to sit on the hairdressing chair.

Xx

**A/n: Just tell me what you think!!!!! I like this and already have most of the story written in my notebook!!!!!!**


	2. Chapter 2

This Is My Life

Chap 2

**A/n: Here we go again!!!! I promised a quick update!!!! Here it is!!!**

xx

I don't talk to her except to ask her which colour for her highlights.

Xx

At lunch Lindsay and I closed up Kiwi and went to Belle's Cafe. Belle is another of my close friends. She has mousy brown hair, hazelnut eyes and dirty brown skin. We sit Maddy, Lani and Jani in highchairs. Maddy sits perfectly still, whilst Lani and Jani bang their spoons to 'Say O.K.' by Vanessa Hudgens. Thankfully Belle saved us the table in the back. Her two year old sweetie pie stands peering at us from the kitchen door. His chocolate eyes don't leave Maddy. He has dark brown hair and tanned skin. Eventually he walks towards us, his arms outstretched.

"Craig, I thought I told you to stay in the back!" Belle snaps as she bustles passed with a pile of dirty dishes.

"Oh, come on, Belle! Leave him, he like Maddy!" I laugh.

I heave him onto my knee. I look out of the window and hide behind my menu sharpish when I see who is is. Zoey and Nicole with other people, who are obviously models judging by their size, hair and makeup and THE BFH! If you don't know who she is then you don't know me! Lindsay removes the menu from face.

"Look it's Zoey!" she smiles.

"Really?!?" I whisper.

Craig jiggles on my knee as he gazes at Maddy.

"Dana, they're not coming in!"

"Good!" I push the menu away.

"What exactly happened between you?"

"I love Logan Reese!"

"Don't we all?"

"No, I truly, madly, deeply love him."

"Oh."  
"I was going to tell him that, but first I went to my dorm and he was there, kissing Lola."

"Wow! You know-"

"Knew,"

"Famous people!"

"Yeah. I ran to Zeke, it was a fling. A few days later, I was pregnant, it was a relationship."

"You didn't tell them?"

"No, they'd think I was a charity case."

"Dana, you are a charity case. You have a five month old baby and a boy-friend who beats you up."

"I don't like fuss, Lindsay!"

"I know, Dana."

"Zoey knows about Maddy, she'll go back and tell Chase, who'll tell Logan and Michael."

I bury my head in my hands and Belle comes over. She sits with us and takes Craig from me.

"Damien's taken over for awhile. Zoey Brooks and her 'posse' just passed. That Nicole Bristow stuck up her nose up." she drones.

"She always thought she was better than the rest of society." I retort.

"You knew her?" Belle squeals.

"PCA." I mutter.

"Wow!" Belle chirps.

"You know what, I'm going back to Kiwi." I groan.

I stand up, place Maddy back in her seat and walk out the door. Belle and Lindsay exchange wary glances.

Xx

Back at Kiwi, I sit with Keisha, Maddy and her three year old daughter Meeka, drinking coffee. Keisha is my twenty-four year old sister, she has red curly hair, green eyes, pale skin and rosy cheeks. Meeka has a curly red bob, peachy skin, maroon cheeks, aqua eyes and red freckles.

" How's Zeke?" Keisha asks.

"I tried to leave again last night. He hurt Maddy." I explain.

"What about you?" she whispers.

"What about me?"

"Where'd he hurt you?"

"Face, mostly, but I don't care."

"Stay at mine tonight. Don't go home. I have room."

"I can't."

"Yes, you can. He doesn't know where I live.

"He'll attack Lindsay and Belle, he knows where they live."

"You are my sister and my best friend. You are my family. Please don't let him hurt you or my niece."

"We'll have no clothes."

"You're my size, and I've got old clothes of Meeka's, they'll fit Maddy."

"You're a star, Keisha."

"I know."

"How's Mom?"

"Stroking a picture of Deano like he's her last hope. If only she knew that his girl friend is pregnant again, she'd disown him too."

"She lets you see her."

"Only to fuss over Meeka."

"She still sees you!"

"For her grandkid!"

"Why doesn't she want to see Maddy, then?"

"Your almost nineteen, with a baby, you didn't expect her to take it well, especially as you didn't even say you were pregnant, did you?"

I shake my head.

"Didn't think so!" Keisha sighs.

"Zoey came here, today." I explain after a short, uncomfortable pause.

"Oh my god! What did you do?" Keisha squeaks.

"Showed her Maddy and did her hair."

"What about Logan?"

"_What about Logan?_"

"You love him! You must feel something about coming face to face with Zoey!"

"He's a guy I knew."

"Don't give me that."

"Keisha, I can't love a man I don't know and I can't love him if he's still going out with that swine."

"Love is unconditional."

"I won't love him!"

"I said, love is unconditional."

I bow my head as Lindsay comes in the door and flips the sign around. We're open.

Xx

I'm sitting on my desk. Keisha has the kids in the back. I'm waiting for a Lila Jones. She's booked in. My eyes shut slowly.

"Lila Jones just phoned in, she'd like to reschedule." Lindsay smiles round the door.

"Fine..." I sigh.

"She's coming in tomorrow, so Izzy will have to do her." Lindsay adds.

"Whatever..." I groan.

Lindsay walks out the door. A few seconds later she came back in.

"This Logan thing really bugs, doesn't it?" she whispers.

I nod my head embarrassedly, "Keisha says love is unconditional."

"She's right." Lindsay replies.

"He's going out with Lola." I breathe.

"I know!" Lindsay sighs.

"Last I heard they were number five in the 'together forever' list."

"I do read!"

"Most likely to get married in the next six months."

"Dana, if he loves you like you love him, he'll leave her, but doesn't know if you're still alive."

"He will now!"

"Will you, please, stop worrying. You've been through so much already. Your life will work out."

"Stuff you and your karma theories!"

"That's not fair, Dana! All I've done is tried to lift your spirits and help you!"

"I'm sorry, I just don't understand what I did to deserve this."

We both bite our lips in thought. The bell chimes as the door opens. Lindsay hurries to the front desk. I hear the familiar drawl of my other sister, Liza.

"Where are my nieces?" she asks in her western drawl.

She was brought up in Houston with her dad.

"In the back, with Keisha, and Dana's in there!" Lindsay beams.

Xx

**A/n: Hope u enjoyed that!!!! I did!!!!! Now, plz, tell me what u thought!!!!!! Plz?????**


	3. Chapter 3

This Is My Life

Chap 3

**A/n: I'm off school today so I can write this story!!!!!!**

xx

I step out of my room and am immediately embraced in a hug. Liza is twenty seven and just out of med school. She owns her own clinic just round the corner, much to Mom's dismay as Mom wanted her to be a surgeon. Liza has never done what Mom wants. Mom wanted her to marry Barry at twenty one, so when he proposed she turned him down. Mom wanted her to keep Barry's baby, when she was twenty two, so she put him up for adoption. Mom wanted her to be a singer when she was twenty three, so she went to med school. Mom didn't want her to marry Kris, so she did, when she was twenty four. Mom didn't want her to have kids until she left med school, when she was twenty five, so she had Bindy a year before she left. Mom wanted her to stay in San Francisco so she moved to New York, when she was twenty six. And then there is the whole clinic surgeon now she's twenty seven. Even as a child Liza refused to do as Mom wanted. When she was five, Liza told me this as I was not yet born, Mom and her dad split up, Mom begged and begged Liza to stay with her, so Liza went to Houston with her dad. Funnily enough Liza only regrets giving up Benji, her first baby. All she knows is she's looking for a five year old boy, called Benji. The agency is looking, but they haven't had much luck yet.

Xx

Later at Keisha's flat, I sit in the spare room. Maddy lies completely relaxed on the red double bed, beside me. I sit absolutely tensed on the edge. Keisha comes in the door.

"There's Michael Barrett at the door for you." she squeals.

"Michael!" I jump and pick up Maddy.

Xx

"Michael? What are you doing here? How'd you find me?" I shout, very surprised.

"Zoey told Chase you had a kid and he told me and Logan." Michael explains, "Zoey then phoned Dustin to ask Deano where you were living."

"Bastard." I mutter, "Come on in."

xx

We walk into Keisha's lounge. The white leather comforts me. I gesture for Michael to sit. He sits next to me on the couch. I place Maddy on the white fake fur rug. She clutches clumps of the fake fur in her hands and smiles up at me.

"So how's your band?" I try to make conversation.

"Good, we're working on our first album, 'Let Life Live'." he answers.

"Nice name."

"Thanks."

"Did you write the songs?"

"One or two, but Bryce is our song writer. He's awesome!"

"I've heard one of your songs in Kiwi."

"Kiwi?"

"Keisha's salon."

"Which song?"

"'Keep on Living'."

"Another of Bryce's magnificent works."

"I take you didn't come here to talk about your band."

Maddy starts cooing at me, so I pick her up and sit her on my knee. She smiles at Michael with big eyes.

"No, Zoey wants you to come back to the group and she thought I'd be able to talk you into better than she would. Her first choice was Logan, but both he and Lola scrunched their noses up at this 'barbaric' suggestion."

I laugh out of pure nervousness, as I am not sure how to react.

"It's all a show for Lola!" he reassures.

"I don't care! He's a guy I used to know!"

"He's also a guy you used to love!"

"He's in the past, anyway I'm still with Zeke."

"You're running away from him, that's why you're here."

"How do you know that? Who told you?"

"Dana, you're my best friend, I can read you like a book."

"You didn't know about Maddy."

"I had my suspicions!"

"Liar!" I punch his arm like I always used.

He puts Maddy gently back on the rug and grabs me in a head lock, just like old times.

"Michael!" I scream.

"It's like we're still at PCA. I'm still his best friend. We're still carefree kids. I spin out of the head lock and pin Michael to the couch. He grabs my arm and twists me around,so I'm the one pinned. Maddy starts to cry. Michael lets go of me and pants. I scoop Maddy up and breathe heavily. I rock Maddy back and forth slowly and quietly goes to sleep.

"I'll be back in a minute." I whisper.

Xx

I walk out the lounge smiling to myself the whole way. Meeka stands in the doorway to her room.

"Is it true? Is Michael Barrett in MY house?" she gasps.

I nod my head happily. Meeka squeals and runs back in her room. I continue down the hall to the spare room and lay Maddy in Meeka's old baby blue crib, tucked her in and set up Meeka's old baby monitor.

Xx

Back in the lounge I place the other monitor on the coffee table. I cross my legs and for a few minutes listen to the regular breathing of Maddy.

"So what brought Zoey to New York?" I ask the question that should have been the most obvious.

"Photo shoot for her fall line." Michael smiles.

"Oh, yeah! That's all browns and deep reds, so my style!"

"She'll probably give you some free stuff."

"Knowing her, of course she will."

"How's Kenny?"

Kenny is my twenty four year old brother who is in rehab after going into deep depression when his girlfriend and unborn baby were killed in a car accident last year. Kenny and Michael are good friends. Michael wanted him for his band. Kenny is an excellent guitar player who loves to fuss over me, Deano, Keisha and Liza. We've decided not to tell him about Maddy until the doctors allow him to have visitors.

"We're still not allowed to see him and we're definitely not telling him about Maddy."

"He'll get better. I always believed in him, and still do."

"Thanks."

I stop when I hear talking on the other end of the monitor. It's singing.

"He sends a friend to ask me if I'm interested,

I see you coming my way with a smile,

You say 'he's a guy,

You caught his eye,

But he's afraid to come over he's a little shy,

So why don't you come talk for a while',

But I see your smile, baby,

Listen to me take the prize,

You see the look in my eyes,"

"Who's that?" Michael asks.

"I don't know!" I reply.

I stand up and run down the hall. Michael follows.

Xx

**A/n: Who is the mysterious person in Dana's room???? Could it be Meeka???? Could Maddy be able to talk already???? Or is it Keisha???? Or someone else???? What did you think of the story in whole?????**


	4. Chapter 4

This Is My Life

Chap 4

**A/n: Nag!!!!! Nag!!!!! Nag!!!! Is that all u ppl do wen u want a new chap an' u have 2 wait a long time for it?????? I'm not angry at u, in fact I admire ur determination!!!!!!**

xx

As I stop outside the door, there's a young boy sitting on my bed, singing to my baby."Who are you?" I snap.

The boy has familiar red hair and sea green eyes.

"Um..." the boy bites his lip and tries to dodge passed me.

I grab his shoulders.

"There you are! I told you to stay in your room!" Keisha shouts.

"Who is he?" I yell.

"Benji." Keisha whispers.

"Benji? Does Liza know? How did you find him?" I question astounded.

"No, Liza doesn't know." Keisha sighs.

"How long have you had him?" Michael asks for me as he knows a lot about me and my family.

"Turned up today, I swear," Keisha breathes.

"Run away, I did. I heard you was looking for me. Found the address did I. Clever, am I." Benji beamed.

"Gonna sort it out with the agency before telling Liza." Keisha bites her lip.

"You could have told me he was here!" I yell.

Maddy starts to cry. Benji wriggles from my grip and runs to her.

"Wee chicky birdy

to-lo-lo

laid an egg on the windy so

the windy so began to crack

Wee chicky birdy went 'Quack, quack, quack.'"

"So Liza's child!" I laugh.

"Uh-huh!" Michael agrees.

Michael is probably the best of my best friends. He knows almost everything about me and is really close to both me and my siblings. He knows about my family and our traumas. He was the only person I could tell about anything. Zoey would try to make everyone happy, Nicole would totally over-react, Chase would do nothing, Logan was the cause to half of my problems, I couldn't talk to Lola and quite frankly Quinn scares me. It's easy to talk Michael, he's a guy so he doesn't treat things like a big deal which half the time it is, and he doesn't react emotionally, most of the time.

"You're not that clever, I could get into trouble with the law." Keisha sighs breaking me from my thoughts.

"I am too clever!" Benji protests.

"Yes, you are," I say just to settle the subject, "Bed now!"

Meeka stands in the hall.

"OMG! Michael Barrett is standing in MY spare room!" she shrieks like a crazed teenager although she's only three.

"And you never acted like this before!" Michael scoops Meeka up and she squeals in delight.

"You're famous now!" Meeka giggles.

"Dana's right, you two, bed!" Keisha laughs.

Meeka kisses Michael on the cheek and runs to her room. Benji gently kisses Maddy and walks slowly to his room. Michael's cheeks turn red.

"You're a huge celebrity, who is loved by all, but when you're kissed by a bimboish three year old, then you turn modest." I muse.

"Says Cruz!" Michael retorts.

"Hey!" I protest.

"You two, pipe down." Keisha giggles as she watches us mess around.

"I'd better be going!" Michael smiles,"Zoey throwing a party and wants you to come! She'll pay for your transport and you'll stay in her house of course! Please?"

"I-" I start.

"Maddy, Meeka, Liza, Lindy, Benji and Keisha too!" Michael pleads.

"I don't know, it's a big step! I don't think I can see them again! I'm ashamed!" I babble looking for excuses.

"Please Dana!" Keisha begs.

"Please Dana?" Michael repeats.

"Fine." I roll my eyes.

"Thanks! I promise to keep Logan away from you!" Michael grins.

As he turns to leave I mutter, "And her!"

"Lola? Why?" Michael spins round.

"She's the reason I'm in this mess!" I moan.

"What did Lola do?"

"Kissed Logan!"

"O...kay..."

"You remember the day you told me to confess to him?"

"Yeah..."

"I went to my dorm to collect my thoughts and they were there. HER and HIM, kissing in MY dorm. I was unwanted and so I found Zeke." I explain calmly.

"I've really got to go!" Michael exclaims, " Tell me more at the party."

"Okay." I sigh.

He hugs me, a friendly hug. Then he walks out. I wave as he gets in a nearby black limo.

Xx

The morning is clearer. For once in my life I went to sleep, not battered and bruised. It's a nice feeling, just like it used to back at PCA. I slept a lot last night. I think Maddy enjoys the new environment too. I think she only woke up twice. Now I'm lying on my back, facing the ceiling. Maddy's in the lounge with Meeka, Keisha and Benji. I'm enjoying the freedom, the peace and most of all the worry-free moments, but I do worry. I worry about Zeke, although I never loved him, I'm sure he'll do something stupid. He's such a dramarama and he's possessive too. He loves to have people there and he needs to have them close. I know Maddy's his, but he can't be trusted with her. If I even leave her with him for two seconds I could then go back in the room to find Maddy on the floor, screaming and soaked in alcohol. Easy Zeke, they used to call him. I never understood how he was easy, and now I have Maddy. Another name for him was Eze. They rearranged the letters of Zeke to make a name that sounded like easy. Why did I have to run into him? Why did I have to feel so bad I let him comfort me? It's all HER fault! Why did SHE have to be there with Logan? SHE knew I loved him! All the girls did. I confessed it in 'Confess or Stress', worst mistake of my life, because someone leaked and Logan steered clear of me for a week. That was embarrassing! I loved Logan ever since I first set eyes on him, but being me, I couldn't tell him.

Xx

Michael had known me for three years and was the only reason I went to PCA. I then went to France for a year on an exchange scheme. When I came back, SHE was in my place, so I had to share with Quinn. This is when I developed Quinnophobia. Thankfully Michael was there to keep me at PCA. I was all set to leave, that morning he told me if I went home Mom would lecture me, I decided to stay. This is basically my life story, if something happened to me that I didn't like, it'd be 'bye, bye, Dana'. I guess I just can't face changes, like when Kenny went into rehab or when I came back from France. Everything's mixed up like a gigantic ball of string. And there's the cat playing with the ball, unravelling and messing it up even more.

Xx

This is why I like mornings. I can think about nonsense stuff and assess my life, or what is left of it. Today I have to talk to Liza and Keisha about this Hollywood party. I'm not sure I can go. I suppose it's not like I'm working or anything, I'm just terrified of what they'll think and how they'll judge me .I know true friends don't judge, but this is Miss Perfect, HER, the anorexic slut, Chase (need I say more) and Mr. Ego-Centric. They all judge me, Michael is the only one who never judged me, I suppose he couldn't, he's known me too long.

Xx

Lunchtime comes and I get up hesitantly. I change and head to the lounge where Benji is in the lounge playing with Meeka, Maddy lies on the rug, clutching my old teddy, fast asleep.

"You kept Jini?" I exclaim quietly.

"Yeah I also kept Sasha and Katya." Keisha smiles.

I look at her. She's sitting on the white leather couch. Liza's beside her.

"What's this about a Hollywood party?" she whispers excitedly.

"I don't think I can go." I sigh.

"Don't be stupid! You have to go!" Liza cries.

I just realised she's in the same room as Benji. She can't know about him, if she did she'd be crying hysterically, something she inherited, the tendency to cry. I gesture to Keisha to ask her if Liza does know who Benji is. Keisha shakes her head. I hate lying to family, that's why I tell them everything.

"I don't know, it's hard for me to just go back like nothing's happened, when too much has happened." I explain.

"As now is the time to resolve your problems." Keisha retorts.

"Look, I know you are both my big sisters and you both know more than I do, but this isn't the right time to have them back in my life, especially after all that I've done, all that she's done to me." I ramble on.

"Dana, you need to start to have a life again, the last five months have been hell for you." Liza tells me.

"She's right, you should be thinking about college, not what to feed your baby and when." Keisha agrees.

"Do you really want what's best for me or do you just want to go to a f-ing Hollywood party? You know what go to the party without me!" I scream.

I grab Maddy and run out the front door. I don't know where I'm going, but I do know I am going away from them, far far away.

Xx

**A/n: There you go!!!! And guess what???? I got my deadline!!!!!! I managed 2 chaps up in one week!!!!! They r not of the same story though!!!!!!**


	5. Chapter 5

This Is My Life

Chap 5

**A/n: VOTE BOB FOR NUCLEAR WAR!!!**

xx

I'm on a busy street now. Shops to my left, restaurants to my right. There's a black limo up ahead and photographers. People are rushing up and pushing me and Maddy along with them. Some kid bimbo is squealing someone's name in such a high pitched voice you can't tell what they are saying. The limo door opens and the crowd screams. Out steps a tall, extremely thin girl with green streaked brunette hair and following her is a boy who is an inch or so smaller than her, but still taller than me, with fluffy dark blonde hair. I know who they are and this is not what I need. I try to to shove my way back to the outside of the crowd, but because I have Maddy I can't get out. I'm trapped. I'm to close to them. They kiss passionately and the girl gets back in the limo. The boy tosses back his fluffy hair and signs autographs. I must stand out, he's looking at me.

"Dana?" he asks.

I pretend to look around, but he sees right through my act.

"Dana, come here, please? I need to talk to you!" his face is soft, but all I feel is hard.

He steps into the crowd and the people allow him to pass. He comes to me. He doesn't look at Maddy, but drags me out of the crowd and into a nearby hotel.

Xx

He has a conversation with the receptionist and takes me to his penthouse apartment. He forces me into a seat and sits on the bed.

"You did all this because of me and Lola?" he mutters.

"Don't say that name around me!" I snap.

"You slept with Eze, coz I kissed LOLA!" he accuses.

"Stop saying that name!" I demand.

"LOLA! LOLA! LOLA!"

"Shut up! Shut UP! SHUT UP!"

"NO!"

"Please?"

"Now this is unusual, the Cruz is begging!"

"I'm not begging, I'm pleading."

"Same difference."

"You want something usual then?"

I raise my fist. He grabs my arm. I wince as he touches one of my many bruises.

"Settle Cruz!" he warns.

I glare at him. He doesn't know me anymore.

"You knew and you still went with HER. And what's worse is I then had to see her everyday after that. Why should I 'settle'?" I scream.

"First I went out with her, and she knew, to make you jealous. I sure achieved that. After you went off with Eze-"

"Zeke-"

"Whatever, I stayed with her for the sex. And then when we left school, I looked for you at the after party, and when you weren't there I took up Lola's offer for a steady relationship. Why weren't you at the party?"

"I was in labour..."

He looks at Maddy properly for the first time and smiles, not his cocky smile, the one he was famous for a PCA, but a genuine smile. Maddy smiles back.

"Lola-"

"Stop saying that name!"

"Is only with me for the publicity until she finds her true love."

"And what about you?"

"My true love has been there the whole time."

"I meant what do you get out of it..."

"Publicity, I suppose, not that I need it..."

"I've embarrassed him, it's what he deserves.

"So how is life with Eze?"

"Zeke is always drunk and he abuses me..."

Whoops...Did I just say that out loud?

"He WHAT?"

"Abuses me and Maddy."

"Have you got a place to stay, away from him?"

"At Keisha's, but it's a cram."

"Stay at mine!"

"What about Lola?"

"Now you're back she'll end it anyway."

"I could've avoided all of this if you'd told me you felt the same way as I do about you, before that night!"

"I'm really sorry about that, but you should've stayed in the group. I still love you, even with her, she's sort off a turn-on."

"This is him, my LOGAN, if you hadn't guessed already, flirting with me for the first time six months.

"I don't know if I can move in with you if you're still going out with HER!"

"She'll be gone by the party. When you come I'll take you home at the end, you'll love it and Maddy too."

"Logan I-Thank you!"

"Dana, I love you."

Logan kisses me gently on the cheek. I know he wants to kiss me on the lips, but he can't, he's still with Lola. If the press got a picture of him kissing another girl, they'd have a field day.

"I love you too."

I do, I mean it. He's the best thing there is for me to live for.

"See you Saturday." I wave.

"'Til tomorrow." he smiles, "Michael'll be round later at Keisha's to talk about transport."

I want to kiss him and I know he wants to kiss me, but we can't. I run out before I do something I'll regret.

Xx

Today's the party and I'm nervous, but I don't know why. I mean it's what I want, isn't it? To be with Logan? For him to love me? All this is whizzing through my head, but my life theory sticks out. My whole works on the fact that if something good happens to me something bad happens almost immediately. You must think I'm paranoid. Then you'd be right. I don't think I can go through with this. I'm not ready to have them back as a part of my life.

Xx

Keisha has given me a deep red mini-dress. Even if I say so myself I didn't look this good at the prom. I suppose at the prom I was very self-conscious, my dress was long, my sleeves long and the whole awful thing black. Lola was prom queen and Logan prom king, surprise, surprise. His eyes didn't leave me which didn't help the paranoia or the self-consciousness. Keisha also gave me her knee-length boots today, to wear with this beautiful dress. I also pinched Meeka's red scrunchie. Keisha lent me her make up set, but the marks Zeke tried to maim me with for life have gone and so I have no need for the putrid stuff.

Xx

I dress Maddy in this really cute baby blue dress that I bought Meeka for her first Christmas. I tie a baby blue ribbon in her single curl. Meeka's wearing a full length pink skirt and a pink tank top with a pink scrunchie and pink sandals. Yesterday, while I was out and Liza had gone, Keisha phoned the agency to say Benji was here. It turned out his foster family didn't even know he was gone, so the agency is clearing up the legal details. Then they will tell Liza they have found him and reunite mother and son. She'll kill us when she realises it's the same boy who was playing with Meeka yesterday, but at least she'll have him back.

Xx

Liza arrives with Bindy. Liza is wearing her denim mini-skirt with fake diamonds and blue tank top with blue sandals and blue headband. Bindy is wearing a yellow summer dress with sunflowers round the hem and yellow sandals with big sunflowers in the middle.

Xx

When Keisha eventually comes out of her room, she's wearing a black pixie dress, you know the one's with the jaggy edges. Her red hair is swept back in a high pony tail with a black ribbon tied in a bow. Her black platforms are finished with a black bow.

Xx

Michael arrives about five past eleven. The rest pile into the limo he brought whilst I stand hesitantly by the kerb.

"Dana, you coming?" Michael laughs.

"Maybe I am, maybe I ain't." I giggle.

I heave my bag over my shoulder and pull Maddy closer to me.

"Livin' with Logan'll be different."

"Your telling me."

"It's not so bad. Just try not to break any of his pictures of himself."

"Huh?"

"His pictures. Break one and you die."

"Okay..."

"Come on, get in."

I get in the limo reluctantly.

Xx

As we approach Zoey's, I see Logan standing in front of the door. He looks as nervous as I feel, but it's not me that's bothering him. Michael sees me looking nervously at Logan.

"I didn't want to tell you before, but Logan says he has something important to tell you." he bites his lip hard.

All I can do is stare out the window at Logan.

Xx

When we stop outside the house I jump out and run to Logan. He doesn't touch and can barely look at me or Maddy.

"Come with me." he whispers.

"Logan?" I ask quietly.

"Just come with me." he mutters.

I hand Maddy to Zoey without thinking too much about it. I follow him up the hall and into a room. He sits on the black leather couch. I shut the door and hover by it. This is the first time I've been alone with him in thirteen months and I feel uncomfortable. I don't know what could happen between us. I'm unreliable and random and he's Logan Reese. He puts his head in his hands.

"Please, Dana, sit." he whispers.

I sit reluctantly, but not on the couch beside him, but on the floor in front of him.

"You couldn't get rid of her right?" I sigh.

"Something came up, I'm sorry." he mutters.

"What? She chipped a nail?"

"No! She's pregnant!"

xx

**A/n: VOTE BOB FOR A QUITER WORLD AFTER THE NUCLEAR WAR!!!! **


	6. Chapter 6

This Is My Life

Chap 6

**A/n: Lol**

Xx

As I sit facing him, breathing heavily and hardly able to think, let alone take in what Logan had just told me, he searches my eyes, probably looking for a response. I gulp; it's all I can do. His face, so soft, so angelic, looking at me and I feel hopeless, unable to do anything about it. He wants my response; I stand up suddenly and turn away from him. I know my eyes show I'm angry, but they don't look at him. And I don't blame him, I blame her. She meant for this to happen, for my whole world to crumble in a matter of seconds. I turn and face Logan again.

"Say something." Logan's voice was needy, his eyes pleading, longing me not to shoot off into one of the moods I got myself famous for whilst at PCA. I sat back down on the floor and looked up as his face. His eyes looked deep into mine and I stared past him.

"That bitch." was all I could muster. Logan grinned. "She planned this Logan. She wants you all to herself. I hardly know her yet she has it in for me."

Logan laughed. "That's ridiculous."

"Is it, is it really? How do you know she's actually pregnant? How do you know she's not faking?"

"That doesn't sound like Lola. Dana we'll get through this, me, you and Maddy. We'll get through this because I love you. I love you with all my heart…But if Lola is having my baby, I need to be a part of its life."

I stare at him blankly. I understand everything he says, and it makes more sense than anything else in the world.

"You can still live with me. The only change is that she'll be there too."

"Then I can't."

"Why not?"

"'Cause every time I see her all I see is Zeke, and what he did to Maddy."

"It's not her fault you went to him. It's not anyone's fault."

"Yes it is. It's all her fault. She knew and you knew and you still continued. You knew Logan. You knew."

"And you know I'm sorry for that."



"Yeah, I know, but all this time we could have been together, I could have had a life."

"You have a life!"

"No, I have a baby."

"Look Lola's at this party, so we could take Maddy back to my apartment and get her settled in."

I nod but all I can think about is how Lola is going to ruin everything.

Xx

Logan knows this baby thing inside out. He has a microwave in her room, for heating bottles in the night, a cot already set up, so I don't have to take out the old one and it can go back home. I feel happier knowing she won't be back for a couple of hours. I realise now as I settle Maddy, that Logan took us here early not because he wanted her to settle in, but for me to settle in. He understands, I don't know how, that I don't take well to change. He walks in and puts his hands on my shoulders; I close my eyes and stand up straight. We watch Maddy sleeping for a few minutes in silence and I feel the peace of his apartment filling every corner of my head. It makes me feel tired and sleepy. I spin round and face him, and it's as if he can read my mind because he leads me straight into his bedroom and pulls back the covers. He practically, but gently forces me into the bed. And I shut my eyes, and drift off easily.

Xx

When I wake up it must be hours later. Logan has gone, where to I don't know, must be somewhere in this place. I watch the ceiling for a second before I can hear through the walls the screaming of a baby, my baby. I start to get up and try the door. It's locked. I try harder. I can hear Maddy's screams louder.

"Let me out!" I shout.

Maddy's shrieks stop abruptly and a key turns in the lock on the other side of the door. It's Lola. She glares at me angrily.

"If you don't keep that thing quiet!" she threatens me.

"I couldn't get to her. I was locked in." I snap. All I can feel is venom running through the air, I push past her. Panicking as to why Maddy stopped so suddenly. I run into her room and see Logan sitting in a chair by the window, with Maddy in his arms. His dark blonde hair and her angelic caramel curl, against the red sunset. I can't believe it's that late already. Maddy's eyes are wide open and I avoid them at all costs. Being reminded of Zeke at this perfect moment ruins everything. My poison is not just enough for Lola right now, but for him too. Logan is asleep, or semi-asleep, it's hard to tell. I take Maddy from him carefully and settle her back down in her cot and he snaps up wide awake. I smile slowly. He returns it.

"Why did you lock me in?" I question, suddenly remembering why I couldn't get to my baby.

"I didn't." he says, I don't know whether he's lying or not.



"There was a key in the door and I couldn't get out." I don't think I look happy, and I'm not.

"I didn't lock you in Dana. I swear." He says and I believe him. I glare at the door. "Lola." I mumble.

"Stop blaming her for everything." He tells me but it's half-hearted as if he believes she would do such a thing.

"Someone locked me in from the other side." I sigh. "What time is it?"

"Eight."

I start towards the fridge, but Logan stops me.

"She's just had, that's what the fuss was about."

I nod.

"Come on, let's go to bed." He's smiling almost cockily. I grin back. And although I haven't done it for nearly a year I want to, and I remember so well.

Xx

So Logan and Lola are down the studio and Keisha has Maddy so I am well and truly alone. I can't sleep, I can't eat, and I can hardly breathe. All I can do is think about Zeke, he could be out there right now. And then I remember how would he know where I am? He wouldn't. No-one would have told him. I turn on the TV and flick through the channels. There's showbiz news on most of them, with a breaking news segment. Boring, I know, but what else is there. I watch and almost leap out my seat when I see Lola looking back at. She's talking about Logan. No wait a minute, she's talking about me and Logan, how he's having an affair with me, and that she is pregnant, and how I'm living in her apartment. I leap up immediately and scream. Thank god there is no-one here. Zeke always watches the showbiz news. He'll come and get me now. Even worse he'll come and get Maddy. I have to leave.

Xx

I start out with a bag of clothes on my back and hardly any money in my purse. I can't help but think about what will happen to Maddy. I left Logan a note, but that's it. He doesn't have to look after Maddy, she's got Keisha and Liza, and if he wants he can go back to his cosy arrangement with Lola.

I have only one idea to where I'm going, this strip club that I found Zeke had been to once. There were two girls that ran it, that said if I ever needed help I could come to them. I don't even know their names. I know that's sad, but at least I know where to go.

There it is middle of the street Banapple. That's where I need to go, that's where I need to find them. I walk in, not really knowing how I'm going to recognise them, how they're going to recognise me.



"You're not one of our girls." an English girl behind the bar laughs. "Seen you here before, ain't I? You were chasing a husband up or something."

I nod, "My baby's dad."

"You're Darla," said a girl from behind me.

"Dana." I correct.

"No sweetie, you're Darla from now on. Come on I'll take you up."

Xx

It's sort of like a hostel up here. There are girls of all sorts of races, all in the same situation. All running away from families, lovers, someone anyway. But Cara and Ellie think that I need more help than I think I do


	7. Chapter 7

This Is My Life

Chapter 7

**A/n: Depression has its way of coming back to you!!**

Xx

I sit here doubled over the toilet in Cara and Ellie's bathroom, massaging my stomach. I have been here for exactly three months now and I see pictures of my old self on the news, in newspapers, on billboards, on posters on trees, but the girl in them looks nothing like me. She simply looks like the old me.

After I had a long nights sleep when I first got here Ellie insisted that I die my hair blonde and cut it, so Cara, who just happened to be a whiz with a pair of scissors, cut my hair and then plunged my head into a basin of blonde dye. I also, somehow look younger than I did.

Now you should know the reason I am doubled up over a toilet, you see I am pregnant again, I know for sure it is Logan's as he was the only guy that I have had sex with since I got pregnant with Maddy. God, I miss her so much and they show her on the news to. Logan thinks that by showing her, I will be tempted to come back, but I know the truth. The only person who will go if she's shown continually is Zeke. He wants her, almost as much as he wants me.

They had his side of the 'Dana Cruz Saga' in which he told the world how I savagely stole Maddy away from him and never returned. For GOD'S SAKE ZEKE get a grip. He abused me, and he abused her. I miss Logan, Maddy, and my family, I especially miss Maddy. She's my baby. Ellie keeps reminding me, I can go back, I can go back to being Dana Cruz if I want and I can leave and turn up on Mama's doorstep pregnant. I told her how Mama would slam the door in my 

face because I had brought disgrace upon her family. Two babies before my twentieth birthday. I broke down crying, I have a habit of doing that now-a-days.

Ellie and Cara said I could stay here until I was ready to go home, but the truth is I don't know if I ever will, even when I've had Logan's baby, I can't burden him with another baby, especially now that Lola's definitely pregnant, four months. It hurts me inside my chest to think that he will be worrying about me and missing his own child growing up. I can't go back to him, I just can't.

Xx

Cara and Ellie have told me I'm not allowed to go back to work because of my "condition" which means I'm practically staying here for free, but if they didn't want to help me, I'd be snookered. I watch as the other girls busy themselves getting ready for work, they never stay long. Ellie said I'm the longest person who has stayed here that they've ever had. To be honest I don't know whether that's a good or bad thing. Whether all the other girls they've had have been found or just lost their bottle and ran home. God, I'm tired.

Xx

It must be three in the morning coz the girls are all filing back in. Cara takes me aside and stares at me. I don't know if she's angry or sad or worried.

"Darla," she starts slowly, "someone was asking for Dana downstairs. I don't know his face, never been in Banapple before. But he asked for Dana. He's still downstairs coz I pretended I didn't hear him. What do I do? I don't know whether to tell him we're closed or…I don't know."



"Let me see who it is. They'll hardly recognise it's me will they."

"Be careful, if it's your brother or sister's husband or something."

"They won't recognise me!" I insisted.

Cara lets me walk down the steps, but watches me the whole way. I can feel her eyes practically burning my skin. I turn round and give her the thumbs up before pushing open the door and heading into the empty, apart from the guy, bar. I look at him discreetly and he looks familiar, and caged. I turn to face him.

"Kenny?" I whisper. The guy looks at me and stands up suddenly. I say a bit louder, "Kenny is that you?"

The guy's face forms a frown, of course he can't recognise me, but he knows who I am.

"When did you get out?" I ask cautiously.

"When did you go haywire?" he snaps back. He's not happy with me.

I gulp, my face pale, a shiver running down my spine.

"Two months ago." He says finally, "To find that my baby sister has had a baby of her own and has run away and left it with her long lost love. What the hell?"

"I had to leave her; I can't take her on the run."

"What I don't understand why you're on the run any way."

"Kenny...he's-it's hard to explain..."

"I've heard that you tried to steal Maddy away from Zeke, but I want to hear what really happened. Look sis I've been in rehab for just under a year and my own sister won't tell me what's been going on here in the real world."

"Look Kenny...don't go all mad...I did take Maddy away from Zeke..."



"Oh Dana..."

"But it was for her own safety!"

"You're scaring me now..."

"He abused her Kenny, he abused her, and he abused me!"

"What? Oh my god Dana! Are you okay?"

"I'm fine, but do you see why I had to get away? Do you see why I left Maddy where she'd be safe? Because Keisha will look after her no matter what-"

"What about you? You should be the person to look after her no matter what because she's your daughter, your baby, and – and – and there's more to this than your telling me, what else is there?"

I take a deep breath. How am I supposed to tell my older brother I'm pregnant again? He knows something is up because he knows me almost as well as Michael, I say almost because there are some things a girl can't tell a brother.

"You can't tell Logan."

"Tell Logan what?"

"Where I am."

"Dana..."

"Don't Dana me Kenny! I don't need him here! Just go! And don't tell anyone where I am! We're closed!"

"DelFiggalo said you were here, saw you a couple of weeks ago."

"That idiot comes in here? Hope you told Quinn! Now out!"

Kenny leaves like a sad little puppy with its tail between its legs, he turns back and opens his mouth, but I shut the door quickly. It pains me to hear anymore.


	8. Chapter 8

This Is My Life

Chap 8

**A/n: Lolz**

Xx

I climb slowly back up the stairs, still in shock after the surprise meeting with my brother and slightly nauseous. Cara waited up for me; she sits on the sofa with two steaming mugs of tea and tub of Pringles.

"He was my brother." I sigh as I sit down beside her and take the mug of tea she forces into my hand. "Kenny."

"The rehab one." Cara implores, she unlike Ellie knows things about me that Ellie refuses to listen to, in case she lets something slip to someone.

"Yeah." I sigh and look at my feet, I feel mean, I have waited all this time to see Kenny again and then I go and I act like that.

"He won't say anything will he?" Cara's eyes widen, "I mean what if he tells your family and they tell Logan, who tells Lola, who tells the world."

"I'll have to face them sooner or later." I say with an even bigger sigh.

"Are you sure that's safe?"

"No. I'm not."

"Darla, I care about you, you've been here too long for me not to care about you, and I don't want to see that thug of a boyfriend hurt you, or Maddy, or your baby."



I glance nervously at my stomach.

"What am I gonna do?" I can't help whining, it's just I feel so helpless and I just want Logan, my Logan, to hold me in his arms and tell me that everything's going to be okay, that nothing, no-one, can hurt me now. But I know that's not true, Kenny could be this moment telling Mama, or Keisha, or Liza, or anyone, maybe some random guy he meets in a pub, that he knows where I am, and tomorrow morning they'll turn up on the doorstep and take me home, back to Zeke.

"God Darla, you look beat." Cara takes my hand and helps me up. I half-smile at her. I don't want Maddy to get hurt, and I don't want my unborn baby to be hurt, if I can just hold out six more months Zeke can take me. He can kill me, just as long as someone looks after my kids. I hate it, kids, plural. Stick an 's' on the end and I sound the more of a charity case than I already did. I can't believe this is happening to me, I mean two nights and I'm a slut.

"Night Darla." Cara whispers as I walk into the room that I share with India, this pretty mixed race girl, and Cara walks into the room she shares with Ellie.

Xx

I don't feel any better now its morning. I still feel as if someone's going to come and get me, but Kenny wouldn't rat me out, would he? He's my own flesh and blood, my brother, my older brother who's always looked out for me. But then again how well do I really know Kenny, he's been in rehab for so long, I'd been in school, we've sorta lost touch.

He might think I don't need him when I actually I need him more than ever. He'd know what to do, wouldn't he? Or would he really, I know I used to idolise him, but he is just a guy. I know, 'clever observation 

Dana, or Darla or whatever your name is', but it has only just hit me, that he is just a guy, just my brother. I have to stand on my own two feet, be my own girl, if only I knew how.

"You alright Darla?" India is brushing her hair in the mirror and keeps glancing back at me as I sit hunched up on my bed, waiting.

"I'm fine." I sigh heavily, which obviously indicates I am anything, but fine, but that is the least of my worries.

"Darla?" Cara sticks her head around the door. "They won't come and get you, they won't."

"You can't be sure." I bury my head in my hands; Cara comes and sits on my bed and India leaves.

"You said yourself that you would have to face them sooner or later." Cara tries to be soothing, but I'm scared of Zeke, I'm scared of what he can do.

"I'd rather it be later, when I don't have another human life growing inside of me." I let a stray tear fall, and think of Maddy, I think of her face, her curls, her hands, and then I think of her eyes, they're his eyes too, and if I did go home, and vowed to leave me alone forever, I would still be reminded of him every day when I looked into her eyes.

"How are you gonna tell Logan that you're having his baby?" Cara tilts my head up and looks straight into my eyes. I can't tell him though. He has enough on his plate, what with trying to find me and Lola being pregnant too.

"I don't know." I say truthfully, there's no point lying to Cara; she's only going find out the truth later anyway.

"And you must remember that whatever you decide to do, Ellie and me, we'll always be here for you. Always." I look at Cara, she wants me to go back, she thinks it's the right thing, I suppose, deep down inside I know that I want to go back, I want to see Maddy, and Logan, 

and my family again. But I can't and that's the end of that story. At least until my baby is born.

Xx

Internet cafés.

The joys of them, yes they may have computers that I can email on and leave straight away so that no-one can trace me, but they also have strong coffee, which I do not need. The smell is making me feel dizzy and sick, but I've decided I need to tell Logan that I am sae and well and that he is NOT to come looking for me. Surely my saying that I am fine and I don't want to be found will make him back off, even if it is for a little while. That I wouldn't mind.

I type away, making sure to put in how much I love him and Maddy, I that I miss them, and that he's to stop looking for me as he won't find me. That there's nothing to worry about I just can't come back now.

Tears are running over my cheeks as I watch my fingers fly over the keys and the screen fills up before I know it. I click send before I can change my mind and trudge out the internet café and the sickening smell of coffee.

Xx

The flat is quiet, but not empty; most of the girls are either eating or sleeping. Cara is sitting with her head on Ellie's shoulder, her eyes closed. Ellie puts her finger to her lips as I approach. I sit down slowly on Ellie's other side. She doesn't talk to me as much, but still cares about me. I suppose in a way they are like my new family.



"Where'd you go?" Ellie whispers, her eyes are narrowed to slits and her face stiff. I often forget that they probably have problems of their own and don't need to worry about me, but I never asked them to worry, I just asked if I could stay here for awhile.

"For a walk." I say simply, after a short pause.

"You smell of coffee." Ellie points out, "You hate coffee." She's suspicious, and I don't blame her, it's well-known that I hate the

smell of coffee, sometimes I like the taste, but only if it's either very weak or very milky.

"Did you go to that internet café on the corner?" If it were possible I would have said that her eyes had narrowed even more. "You didn't say where you are to anyone did you? If any of these girls are found, bad things could happen to them. You remember that don't you?"

"It's okay Ellie. I warned him to back off. I didn't want him to come near me; I wouldn't say where I am. I'm not completely stupid." Ellie's face relaxes as I say these words and she smiles, pats Cara's head and gently moves her head off her shoulder.

"I have to go and set up for the horny old men that will come in here tonight." She gives off a small laugh, but we both knew it is true. Cara stirs, shifts position, but doesn't wake. I smile, slowly, my head pounds and I don't care.

Xx


	9. Chapter 9

This Is My Life

Chapter 9

**A/n: Mars: - the only planet named after a ****REAL**** god.**

Xx

As I walk past the internet café I notice a new poster, one of Dana, 'Have You Seen This Girl?' pasted across it, I forgot that they had Quinn, she traced the EP address, IP, or whatever. I'll have to go somewhere else to check for a reply, just in case. Although, I'm not that girl, not anymore. I look different, I act different, and maybe I'm too different for Logan to love me.

No, I mustn't think like that, Logan will always love me, won't he?

Here, a little café with a computer corner, like an old ladies coffee shop with something to keep their grandkids happy. It will do though, to answer my emails, Logan will have bombarded me with questions, some I won't even give an answer to.

I sit at the computer and there are pictures of him and Maddy, and even Mama holding Maddy. Liza said she's not angry with me for keeping Benji a secret from her, and now she has him back. Mama says she's not angry with me for keeping Maddy a secret from her. Kenny says he loves me, which means he won't tell anything, but he doesn't know about the baby, he can't know about it, not ever.

Well maybe, one day.

Xx

Feels like years have passed, but it's only months, and now I'm like a whale. I haven't needed to go back, and no-one's come to take me home. Kenny hasn't even come to visit again, which I guess is a blessing. My baby's due in just over a month. India and the other girls have moved on, there are others now. I sit up here; I suppose it's like my prison, but a comfortable one. Cara and Ellie are downstairs in Banapple. I suppose I'm lonely. I watch TV, but not even that can settle the weird feeling in my stomach. No, it feels sore, almost like the day I gave birth to Maddy. No, I couldn't be going into labour could I?

Xx

It appears I was. I'm in the hospital now. Cara's with me, Ellie's still at the bar.

"Where are the midwives?" Cara demands, I think she's panicking.

A nurse walks in and frowns at the state of her, she's wearing a very short mini-skirt and a very tight tank-top with 'Banapple' written across her chest.

"I'm sorry Miss," she says to me, "Whole hospital's been thrown into pandemonium, because the actress, Lola, is giving birth."



My heart skips a beat, "Who?"

"Lola," she repeats, "Logan Reese's ex-girlfriend."

Cara shoots me a look that tells me to stay calm and takes my hand into hers.

"Right Miss, is there anyone who you need us to contact on your behalf?"

I shake my head firmly; my eyes are welling with tears. Logan is in this hospital, I'm closer to him than I have been in just under eight months. I just want to see him, but not for him to see me like this, definitely not like this. And he can't know about my baby.

God this hurts more than I remember it.

Xx

It's a girl. A beautiful baby girl, she has a single blonde curl on her head. I want to name her something beautiful, but what. She has to stay in a special ward, because she's premature, at least Lola's baby, a boy, born five minute past nine, ten minutes before mine, is in a private room with hers. I suppose he's my baby's half brother, but only through Logan and his stupid mistakes.

I was one of his mistakes, I know that now, I should never have allowed him to be mixed up in all this. He deserves better, better than me, better than Lola. I have to go back now, and take my baby with me, I have to go back, and show her to Logan, and then make sure that Mama, or Keisha, or even Liza looks after her whilst I go and talk to Zeke, I've never tried talking to him before. He always got violent before I'd even had a chance to open my mouth. But for now, I'm stuck in the hospital, while they run some tests on my baby to see if she's well enough to go home.

Xx

We were out of there in a week, Cara cried when I told her I was going home, said she hardly got to know Laila, my baby. Now I'm on my way to Mama's house, I skipped Logan's I can tell him about Laila when I'm sure I'm free of Zeke, I don't know what I'm gonna say, but it'll have to be good, or else I'm toast.

Xx

**A/n: Yay Toast!! Or should say...Yeah Toast!! Comin to an end peeps!! Hands out tissues**


	10. Chapter 10

This Is My Life

Chapter 10

**A/n: Who needs logic?? Why can't the world be run by bunnies?? We live without logic so we never have to answer theses questions!!**

Xx

I trudge along the path to Mama's house which is big and white and lonely. I never liked it there. I carry Laila in my arms carefully; it feels weird to have a newborn in my arms again. The door is big and blue and uninviting but I knock and ring anyway. Laila is asleep, that's good, at least i think it is.

The door opens and my heart skips a beat, it's Kenny. He wipes his eyes on the back of his hand, before looking at me. Before it registers who I am he mutters "Hi." Then he blinks, does a double take and wraps me in a tight hug. I have to pull away; he may very well crush Laila.

"You've come back." He says, he's shocked, which makes me laugh.

I nod. He stares at Laila; his eyes are focused on her curl. He knows she's Logan's.

"This is Laila." I turn the sleeping baby to face him. He smiles at her, but she is still asleep.

"Come in." Kenny says as he pushes the door wider. As I walk past, he takes Laila from me. "Maddy!" he calls.

A toddler comes tottering round the corner, there's caramel curls framing her face. "Maddy?" I whisper. She walks arms outstretched towards me. I pick her up and kiss her forehead. I missed her, oh god I missed her.

"Mama's in there." Kenny signals, I do not dare put Maddy down, but cling to her, and also take Laila into my other arm. I walk slowly into Mama's living room, it's exactly as I remember it, dull, boring, and with the very same rug I tried to burn when I was five.

"Who was at the – Dana!" Mama jumps to her feet in surprise. "What are you doing here?"

No more lies, I decide. "Could you look after Maddy and Laila, there's someone I need to see?"

"Of course we'll look after Maddy, but who is Laila?" she asks confused.



I take a sharp breath of air. "My daughter."

"Let me see her." Mama holds out her arms, I pass her, with some difficulty due to the toddler clinging to my shoulder. Laila is starting to wake up now.

"She's beautiful Dana." Mama says to me. She sits back on the couch and waits for me to sit beside her. I put Maddy beside her instead.

"Mama, I have to go." I kiss her on both cheeks and watch as her eyes fill with tears. "I'll be back, I promise." I mean it. I can't leave Maddy again and I definitely can't leave Laila.

As I walk past Kenny on my way out I give him a hug. "I promise to be back." I whisper.

Xx

I remember the way to Zeke's a little too clearly, it makes me want to run away, but I keep going. I have to. I have to warn him off, keep him away from Maddy and Laila, and me. I pass Lindsay's door. I wonder how she's coping with her new baby. It must have been born ages ago. I stop for a few moments, unsure whether to knock or just pass by.

I decide to just keep walking, not far now. And there it is, our apartment block. There's a light on, meaning he's in, and not gone out drinking just yet. That doesn't mean he's sober of course. He hasn't been sober since we left PCA. I clamber up the stairs and use my key. He won't have changed the locks; he never does anything like that.

I walk in. He's splayed out on our couch. He shoots me a disgruntled look.

"Where the hell have you been?" his voice is angry. I back away. I don't want to answer him. The door has shut behind me, and there's a click as the automatic lock does its job.

"Where the hell have you been?" he repeats, his voice angrier still. He stands up swaying slightly; he has an empty whisky bottle in his hand. He smashes it against the wall. "Tell me where the hell you've been."

I push myself up against the wall. "I've been away." It came out as a whimper. "I've been away, okay?"

"No Dana! That's not okay!" he says in a low growl. He brings the broken bottle, with its jaggy edges, to my throat. I felt piercing pain as he pressed in to my skin and as he removed it I saw blood on the end. "You took my daughter away from me! And now you shall pay dearly!"



"You stay away from Maddy!" I yelled, "All you've ever done is hurt her and hurt me! I took her away for her own good!"

"You took her away out of stupidity and selfishness Dana Cruz! Admit it!"

"Never! None of that is true!"

"Admit what you did was for yourself and not for Maddy. You make me sick!" Zeke raises the bottle and shoves it into my stomach. I sink to the ground and watch as a pool of blood forms around me. Zeke staggers back. I wish I could say he does so in regret, but there is just a look of pure excitement and happiness.

My eyesight is growing blurry. Zeke's just going to leave me here to die. He doesn't care, but I can't phone for help, not while he's here. If I can just hang on until he's gone. Yes, he's grabbing his coat and keys. He pits on me as he passes, being careful not to stand in my blood. I hear the door slam and grab my phone.

911. I give my address, say I've been stabbed, but I'm shaking so much I drop the phone. Everything goes black and I collapse.

Xx

I wake up in a warm bed, in a warm room. I look around. Logan is asleep by the window with Maddy on his lap, and Mama is by my bedside with Laila in her arms.

"Mama?" I whisper.

"It's okay Dana. It's okay. They've got Zeke and are taking him in for attempted murder."

I sigh with relief. "What's Logan doing here?"

"He wanted to see you. He missed you."

I look to where Logan is still asleep. It's hard to believe he didn't miss me. He sent out search parties and went looking for me everywhere. And I missed him, more than he'll ever know.

"It's a shame to wake him Dana, but he'll need to know you're awake." Mama taps Logan's shoulder and he stirs from his slumber. His eyes focus as they find me.

"Dana?" he questions.

I smile and nod. He scoops Maddy up and practically bounds over to the bed. He gives me a swift kiss, so that Mama doesn't notice, but I feel.



Xx


	11. Chapter 11

This Is My Life

Chap 11

**A/n: Why am I so confused, he's just a guy right?? Okay, it seems that he is a guy I fancy...Why should that confuse me?? Ahhh!!**

Xx

I sit in the bed gazing at him, am I really here?

"Logan..." I begin I have to tell him about Laila.

He puts a finger to my mouth, "Sh...we'll talk later." He sits on the bed beside me and holds me close.

For a brief moment I guess I forgot that I had been stabbed, because the pain of even the smallest movement burns me. I stifle a scream, and my hand moves to my stomach as if holding it would help. My other hand goes to my neck and traces the pin prick scars there, almost healed.

"How long have I been out?" I whisper, through Logan's finger as he stares at me, with eyes that I will never forget.

"A week or so." Logan bows his head and drops his finger, taking my hand away from my stomach.

"What's the day Logan?" I need to know, I need to know how old Laila is.

"Sunday." Logan answers, slightly startled.

"How many Fridays have passed?" I ask, moving a little too suddenly, causing me to wince in pain.

"Two." He takes my other hand, "This is the third."

"She's three weeks old. I missed two weeks of her life." I mumble, not loud enough for him. "Have you met Laila?" I ask a little louder, curious.

"Briefly." Logan nods, looking towards the blonde-haired baby.

"Logan..." I begin again, but I can't get the words out my mouth.

"Is she mine or Zeke's?" Logan asks, not letting go of my hands, but not restraining me from taking them away.

"She's yours Logan, I'm so so sorry." I look away, tears of shame flood my cheeks, "I would have told you under different circumstances."

"I understand." He kisses my head, "I understand."

I still feel the need to explain, "I went before I found out. I went when I saw that Lola told the world I was with you. Not because I don't love you, because I do, with all my heart, but because he would come for me. I would have come back sooner, but if this had happened while I was still pregnant, I wouldn't have been able to forgive myself."

"I understand." Logan says again, pulling my head to his chest and holding me there. "I love you Dana."

I pull him down so that his lips press mine. I wrap my arms around his neck and kiss him deeply, hoping that this is a good enough answer for him.

I let him go after a while and it's clear that he gets my message, he grins. I see Mama past him, she's showing Maddy something out of the window, but I can see her smiling. She's happy for me.

Xx

It seems that this is another life, not a couple of months after my near death experience. I actually get on well with Logan's baby boy, Kory. He's cute, brown-haired with dimples. It's hard work when he's over, but I enjoy it because he and Laila can grow up together.

Maddy can sort of speak now. She can say a couple of words, like Mama, Dada, and bad. She calls Zeke Bad Dada, usually it's the first sign she's had a nightmare as she starts screaming, "Mama! Mama! No Bad Dada!" It makes me cry and so Logan usually has to calm me before I can calm her. It doesn't make sense how she can remember Zeke, how she remembers the pain she went through, but she does, and it hurts me inside that she is still hurting.

Laila is beautiful; she almost has a full head of hair now, soft blonde curls. Her eyes are caramel, like mine and Maddy's and she is Logan's princess. He adores her. She and him are usually inseparable, but he has to work and so we sometimes go along. Some days it's not possible, such as the days when I have Kory too. It's impossible to take three kids to the film studio. They scream and interrupt filming.

Lola moved out as soon as I came back. She moved in with some Japanese guy and has Kory Sunday, Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday. We have him the other days. It's like we're a family, a dysfunctional family, but a family nonetheless. And I love them all, except Lola. I will never like her, let alone love. It's not that I still blame her for me going to Zeke; it's that I don't want her near me. I guess I don't want her to see that I hurt inside from the choices I've made in life and I'm jealous that her life has worked out; she got everything she wanted, except for Logan.

Xx

**And that's the end. Happy ending right??**


End file.
